You know what's amazing to me?

(not just the fact that I've neglected this blog for so long, either - sorry about that!)

What's amazing to me is the reaction of spankers to other spankers, when they see or hear the same behavior modeled back to them.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of spankers in my family. It's enough to make me believe that violence is a genetic trait, as is alcoholism.

Each one of these spankers have children who flinch when the parents make a quick move, children who duck and cover their heads or bottoms when a parent walks by. Children who dive in front of their siblings with arms outstretched, begging the parents not to hit.

And each of these adults will tell you that they 'spank only in love, never in anger. We follow it up with a time of restoration and connection. We spank as God has outlined in His Word.'

They completely miss these points:

• God NEVER outlined 'how to spank'. He *did* warn about people who offend little ones.
• Unless you are completely psychotic, it's impossible to hit a cowering, crying child without feeling some level of anger. Our God-given instincts tell us to comfort and protect the little ones.
• The restoration and connection? It's just like the wifebeater who brings roses after a jolly round of wife-punching. It only soothes the minds of the tormentor - never of the tormented.

And so what happens when a spanker sees another spanker in action, or hears them?

They react with anger and self-justification.

"I don't spank that hard."
"I don't spank when I'm angry."
"They were just taking (insert any arrogant 'Christian' child torture expert's name here) advice too far - that's not really how they meant it."
"My children aren't abused like those poor kids."

Because they have to delude themselves, they don't realize - spanking looks exactly the same in EVERY family.

The act is violent, intrusive, sexually degrading, and emotionally damaging.

How children react will vary depending on the child.

But there is not one person who has ever been spanked who was not harmed in a much more lingering way than the temporary red bottom.

And I know, I KNOW - there are people reading this who will say "Well, I grew up being spanked and it never hurt me. I deserved it. As a matter of fact, when I think of what I grew up getting away with, I probably should have gotten more!"

And that mindset, my dear readers, is one of the most damaging effects of all.